


Sharks AREN'T Friends

by aug325, CephalonGhost



Series: Membrane's Guide to Becoming a Better Parent: LOSE YOUR FUCKING ARMS [1]
Category: Invader - Fandom, Invader Zim
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dib is 10 here and Gaz is 9, If Jhonen won’t fill the canon gaps and explain shit then I WILL, Loss of Limbs, Membrane sucks at parenting but at least now he's trying, the faithful shark encounter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:14:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24656674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aug325/pseuds/aug325, https://archiveofourown.org/users/CephalonGhost/pseuds/CephalonGhost
Summary: Taking place post cartoon series (unfinished episodes included) and pre-Florpus.Ever wonder just what happened for Professor Membrane to lose his arms?Ever wonder why he's suddenly such a better father in the movie than he was in the show?Well, here's what we all missed.
Series: Membrane's Guide to Becoming a Better Parent: LOSE YOUR FUCKING ARMS [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1782715
Comments: 37
Kudos: 207





	Sharks AREN'T Friends

**Author's Note:**

> Based around the timeline Dana-chan and I figured out for the events of the show leading up to the movie.  
> As well as additional theories and headcanons we both came up with for why Membrane suddenly became more of an okay dad.
> 
> Something that is both a bit of a prequel to PAKet but can also act as a standalone to fill the gap of the general canon timeline.

It was an average day of filming for the latest episode of _Probing the Membrane of Science_. However, this episode, in particular, was meant to be an extraordinary one. Because this episode involved the sea creatures, Professor Membrane considered his best friends: sharks.

Genetically _enhanced_ sharks with lasers crafted to their heads, that is.

This episode was one he had actually been looking forward to shooting. Professor was actually feeling a child-like giddiness he hadn't felt in years at the thought of being able to show the children of the world the so cruelly misjudged ocean creatures. He would show to them that even with their natural predator state enhanced to one even deadlier beyond what was naturally acceptable, they were still gentle and docile creatures...!

If only in the end, that all hadn't come back to bite him in the butt...

And his arms...

And other... _Places_...

...

...

...

Professor Membrane couldn't recall what had gone wrong exactly.

Mostly because, at this moment, he couldn't really recall anything. He was only just barely conscious. Enough to feel just how much everything hurt. Especially his arms and...Nether regions.

He couldn’t even _move_ his arms. The thought of them just being completely GONE failing to cross his mind as the nurses who noticed him starting to rouse from his pained groans began increasing the dose of painkillers being pumped into his body. As he made a vain attempt to sit up, the Professor thought he could hear what sounded like the voices of his children and feel their tiny hands pushing him to lie back down. They sounded so muffled.

He couldn't understand a word of what was being said. He could identify the panic in their voices, but couldn’t force his eyes more than a sliver to look at them. His vision was just as fuzzy as their words against his ears.

Just as he felt his consciousness to fade once more, the gravity of the situation he was in finally came back to him. And with what little lucidity he had, managed to say one sentence containing the first and only curses his children would _ever_ hear him utter before succumbing and passing out once more.

“Fucking sharks...”

* * *

Hours later, when the pain throughout his body was but a mere fraction of what it was—thanks to the painkillers—Professor found himself staring up at the cold white ceiling of one of his own lab’s private patient rooms in the medical wing of the building. He knew these ceilings well not only because of the long hours he worked under them, but from the many times he found himself lying beneath them on a patient bed like he was now whenever an experiment went wrong.

Sometimes horribly wrong.

And this was just another one of those times.

Professor Membrane clenched his teeth beneath the blanket that had been raised to cover the lower half of his face as he struggled to sit up once more. But with his arms unresponsive—he HOPED that they were just unresponsive—he had to primarily rely on his core muscles to get any sort of lift. Under normal conditions, it probably wouldn’t have been as taxing on him. But with how weakened he was from his injuries, and the added weight against his chest, it was near impossible.

Wait…

Why _was_ there weight on his chest?

Managing to raise his head at least, the Professor turned his gaze downward to see both his children sleeping atop his battered body. Dib against his chest and Gaz curled up against his left side.

He felt a mix of relief, fondness, and confusion wash over him at the sight of them in his hospital bed with him. Relief that suddenly then morphed into abject horror and embarrassment as he remembered the last words he’d spoken before falling unconscious.

They’d heard the completely vile and vulgar things he’d said when only partially aware of his surroundings! Children of such a young age shouldn’t be hearing those kinds of words coming out of a parent's mouth! If he could move his arms, he would have been covering his face in shame. Because if he remembered correctly, Gazlene was still only _seven,_ she _…_

She _was_ seven… Wasn’t she…?

Or was she eight?

Had he missed another birthday?

The Professor looked towards the sleeping girl through eyes that were squinted nearly as shut as hers were when awake. The staff tending to him had apparently deemed it of great importance to deactivate his headset and cause his prescription goggles to fold away into the attachments over his ears.

Thankfully he was nearsighted, so he could still make out his daughter’s face with how close she was. How she was pressed with her face only somewhat obscured beneath the crook of his arm…

Or at least…

Where the crook of his arm SHOULD have been.

Blurred vision or no, Membrane could clearly make out where his shoulder was beneath the sheets and the complete lack of mass that should have been connected to it.

Flitting his gaze to his right, he saw the same applied to where his other arm should’ve been as well.

And just like that, suddenly his concerns about whether or not he had properly remembered the ages of his own children were replaced with more pressing ones.

And with these new concerns came the intense feelings of anger and betrayal as he let his head fall back onto the bed pillow. The urge to yell out and curse the damned creatures he had believed to be his friends was strong. But he managed to hold his tongue by reminding himself that Dib and Gaz were sleeping after probably worrying over him for _science knows_ how long.

He would fix this.

He _always_ did.

No matter how long it took…

Where had things gone wrong to start with?

Closing his eyes with a sigh, the Professor allowed himself to think back to the faithful experiment that had left him in his current state.

…

_He remembered the announcer for his show, making the usual introduction as he rose to the stage on his platform. The children in the audience were all screaming and cheering for him in the way he could have only dreamed of getting when he himself was only a child._

_“Hello children, I’m sorry, but today I bring some bad news.” He had started in a somber tone that still possessed a touch of that staple Professor Membrane energy and positivity. “Unfortunately, today’s interactive experiment of bending reality just through using five common items you can easily find at home was rejected due to new laws that were passed recently.”_

_At that, the children let out “awes” of disappointment._

_“But fret not!” The rising excitement in his voice was contagious. “Because today, today, you are all going to learn and do something just as equally fun and entertaining in this world that science has to offer! Something I have been planning for quite a while and dreamed of doing since I was a boy.” He held his arms out in emphasis as the screen behind him was raised to reveal just what the children would be dealing with. “Today, we are going to swim and speak on an intellectual level with **sharks!** ”_

_At that, and the unveiling of the large tank containing the aforementioned_ _Selachimorpha, the crowd of children went wild. Wilder than the Professor or the film crew had ever seen before today. No doubt affected by the power of his own genuine excitement that he projected with his voice and bodily gestures._

_“Now, these sharks don’t appear normal, yes?” Professor Membrane took a few steps towards the tank before turning back to face the audience and gesturing towards it with his hands. “Can anyone tell me what’s unusual about them?”_

_Barely two seconds passed before he was answered by a very vocal child screaming at the top of their lungs to be heard from the back._

_“THEY’S GOT LASERS STUCK TO THEIR HEAD!”_

_“CORRECT!” He matched the child’s volume while pointing towards where they sat for emphasis. “These sharks have been genetically and cybernetically enhanced to be the most **intelligent** and **deadliest** sea creatures to be found within the surface and thermocline layers of our oceans!” Despite the children suddenly gasping, his demeanor did not falter. “But fear not, children! This is all a part of today’s experiment! We are going to disprove once and for all the notion of sharks being maneaters! We will prove to the world that even at their most dangerous, sharks should not be feared! That sharks would never purposefully harm us and are our friends no matter what!”_

_At his claims, the children were once again back to cheering excitedly._

_“And just to quell any lingering doubts,” in one quick motion, the Professor removed his lab coat to reveal the diving suit and rebreather he had been wearing underneath the entire time. “Before any volunteers are picked from the audience, I shall use myself as a guinea pig to show how perfectly safe this all is.”_

_The children watched with bated breath as the platform was raised back up to be level with the tank's edges. The Professor then clicked one of the buttons on his upper arm connected to his headset before jumping feet first into the water._

_As the bubbles from his dive rose to the surface, clearing his vision, Membrane immediately turned his attention to the two sharks in the tank with him. Both seemingly huddled together in the corner and looking at him with apprehension._

_“Hello, Diana! Bruce!” He spoke through the rebreather; his voice broadcasted clearly through his diving suit’s builtin mic to the audience as he waved at the less than thrilled looking sharks._

_In fact, they looked rather fearful and… Angry?_

_No, they couldn’t be._

_He’d improved their bodies! Improved their intelligence!_

_Why would they be angry with him just because the modifications procedures happened to be more than a tad painful?_

_“Today’s the day!” He started swimming towards them after pushing aside any of his own second-guesses about the situation. “Today, we prove to the world just how gentle and kind your species truly is!” He was close enough to reach out and touch them now._

_“You will never again have to fear humans—”_

_And then suddenly, the hand he had been reaching to pet Diana snout with was gone._

_As was most of his arm._

_Membrane couldn't hear the sounds of the children screaming as they saw and processed what had happened. Nor could he verbally express his full feelings of horror and dread as he looked through the rapidly reddening water surrounding him to Bruce. The one who’d torn his arm away at Diana’s defense. The male shark allowing for the limb to fall from his jaws into the open water… Then_ _used the laser cannon embedded in his skull to disintegrate it completely. The firing of the weapon causing the water temperature to rise to near-boiling._

_“Bruce–” Membrane finally let out, his shock more powerful than the pain he felt. “Why would you—”_

_Before he could finish speaking, Bruce suddenly lunged at him and tore into his remaining arm. This time drawing a scream from the Professor just before Diana decided she wanted to have a piece of him as well and dove between his flailing legs. Her jaws clamping around his midsection…_

After that…

Membrane concluded he must have passed out from the combined shock and blood loss just before the security team hit the button that would fry the circuits in both Diana and Bruce’s brains to allow his rescue.

The Professor let out a depressed sigh.

No doubt, this whole ordeal would just cause his lawyers a whole mess of trouble.

The children in his audience getting exposed to HIM being gravely injured wasn’t written anywhere in the release forms they or their parents had to sign before appearing on his show!

Curse Diana.

Curse Bruce.

He had been trying to HELP them.

He would have thought after all the painful experiments and tests it took to raise their intelligence to human levels; they would realize that!

But perhaps the experiments were _too_ painful…

But that didn’t matter now.

Diana and Bruce were _dead_. Killed by the rescue team, no doubt. And he had been _very_ close to joining them by the state of his own body… And what he could just _barely_ make out on the chart left on his bedside table.

Arms and… _Other_ appendages entirely missing…

Third-degree burns from the laser-heated water…

Multiple large gashes and bite wounds…

The fact he was alive at all would have been an honest to God _miracle_.

If he believed in that sort of nonsense, anyhow.

“There are _always_ scientific explanations for these things…” He said aloud, mainly to himself. Partially to test out his own voice.

The Professor would have closed his eyes to return to sleep right then and there. But then he felt his son begin to shift on his chest.

“Dad…?” Dib slowly raised his head, eyes groggy from sleep, and slightly puffy from crying. “Dad…!” His eyes suddenly went wide upon locking with his father’s, and tears began shedding anew.

“Shh, shh, it’s alright, my son.” Membrane tried to put on a soothing tone to urge his boy child to calm down and go back to sleep. Science knew he didn’t have the strength in him to stay awake any longer. Why had his employees allowed his children to be in here to begin with? No child should see their parent like this!

No child…

 _No one_ should see him like this…

 _He_ didn’t even want to see himself like this…

“Your father’s perfectly alright!” Membrane attempted to speak with his usual inflections, but his voice managed to betray the truth.

He was _not “_ perfectly alright”.

He’d nearly DIED and lost his ARMS for science's sake!

And all the calculations he ran in his head for how long it would take him to recover and acquire suitable prostheses only caused the dark clouds already forming in his mind to grow larger.

The fact that Dib didn’t believe in his words didn’t help either.

Membrane’s son only stared at him. His mouth hanging open as though he’d just been told something completely ridiculous.

“How…” Dib was clenching his tiny fists in rage as more tears began to stain his cheeks. “How can you **_say_** that?!”

Gaz began to stir at his shouting until she too was fully awake and looking at their father with an uncharacteristic expression of worry. But she said nothing. Not like her brother, who drowned out all of the Professor’s attempts at urging for him to calm down.

“You–You were almost _eaten alive,_ and you’re acting like that’s somehow _okay?!_ ” Dib slammed his hands on Membrane’s chest, causing the injured man to let out a small exclamation of pain.

“Dib!” Gaz gripped at her brother’s shoulder as though to calm him down. Even _her_ voice lacked its usual threatening demeanor.

“I’m… I’m sorry, dad…” Dib said in a quieter voice. “I’m sorry…” He apologized again as he lightly stroked where he had unintentionally struck his father.

“Son…”

“Why aren’t you ever more careful?!” Dib was back to yelling at full force again. And Gaz was _letting_ him for once. Not stepping into her father’s defense at all as she wrung the hem of her dress in her hands so tightly her knuckles turned white. “You’re always doing so many dangerous experiments and don’t seem to care about what happens to you at all!”

Dib’s words stabbed at Membrane’s heart. The next sentence uttered only digging the metaphorical knife in further.

“Just like you don’t care at all about what happens to us!”

“What–No—” Membrane shook his head as best as he could, causing the blanket that covered him to shift and fall out of place. Revealing beneath the mechanical jaw, the side effect of another disastrous experiment that he kept hidden from the world. An entirely different injury from the one that left the scars that circling his eyes. “Of _course,_ I care about both you children…!”

“Then _why_ are you like this?!” Dib demanded. His fists once again painfully colliding with his father’s chest. Only this time, Gaz did nothing to stop him. And he didn’t apologize this time either. “Why are you always putting so many dangerous experiments ahead of your own safety?! Ahead of us?!”

Dib’s face was entirely wet with tears now. Tears that fell and were absorbed by the few exposed bandaged parts of Membrane’s upper body.

“You even put your _stupid_ tv show before us! You complain all the time about my interests and how they make _me_ insane from how obsessed I am! But you’re _the same_ , dad! You’re obsessed with working the same way I am with exposing ZiM! Can’t you see that?! And–and if you… If you’d _died_ …” Dib’s voice was suddenly quieter. “What would have happened to us if you died…?” He struggled to hold back the body wracking sobs that threatened to overtake him. And Membrane could only look between him and his daughter, who was also crying now. Albeit silently. “We… We already have to look out for ourselves on our own as is… How are…”

“How are we supposed to live without you, dad?” Gaz finished. Her voice was unbroken compared to that of her brother, but the sadness and fear her voice carried were still _very_ apparent _._

 _“_ Gazlene… Dibromide… _”_ _  
_

He…

He was responsible for this sadness.

He understood their fear of losing him, but…

Had he really not been doing enough for them as he thought?

His own father had always been busy with work, leaving him home alone most days than not to provide and give him a better life. Professor dedicating himself to his work in science was only his attempt at doing the same for the rest of the world; his own children included. Even if they were originally meant to be cloned experiments using his DNA, they _were_ his children. He’d been the one who got attached and chose to raise them as his own.

Should he not have been leaving them alone as often as he was?

Was he… Doing things _wrong_?

And now…

He didn’t realize he was crying himself until his children began clinging to him as they were unable to hold back their tears any longer.

Their clinging only caused the ache Professor Membrane felt deep in his breast to grow stronger. Because now, more than ever, he wished he could hold his children close to him with the arms he no longer had.

“I swear in the name of science…” Membrane started once their sobs had calmed down somewhat. “I swear I’ll be better to you kids from now on.”

“Promise?” Dib asked after taking off his glasses to wipe the tears away from his eyes.

“On my life.” The Professor answered.

Both Gaz and Dib let out small half-hearted laughs at that, falling quiet against his chest after a few more minutes of crying. But though they stopped, they didn’t fall asleep. Instead, both of the Professor’s children looked at him as though they were really seeing him for the first time.

“When did your jaw get replaced?” The question came from Dib as Gaz reached up and began running her fingers over the metal that was carefully crafted to resemble human teeth and bone. Though it still retained its metallic coloring.

“What do you mean?” Membrane raised a brow in confusion. “My face has been like this since before I created either of you. Have I really _never_ shown you my face?”

“No, never! Not even during dinner!” Dib appeared to grow a little excited, and Membrane felt relief wash over him at seeing that familiar glint of curiosity in his son’s eyes. “You somehow are always able to eat without us even getting a single peek at your face!” Now Dib was also touching his face just as his sister was. “What’s it even made of? Why did you make it just teeth and no lips?”

“I think the all teeth and skull look is cool.” Gaz commented, and that was all it took to get Membrane to let out a legitimate laugh, albeit a tired one.

“I’ll tell both of you about it tomorrow.” The Professor couldn’t suppress the yawn that escaped him. “Right now… Your father would just very much like to sleep…” his eyes could hardly stay open now.

“Yeah, you really look like you could use it.” Gaz moved her fingers from his jaw to instead poke at the bags under his eyes. “No wonder you always put on makeup before filming.”

A small chuckle was the Professor’s only response as he allowed himself to be claimed by the enticing lulls of medicated sleep.


End file.
